If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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