I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
