RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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