I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
