I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
