well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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