i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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