when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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