So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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