New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
