So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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