I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
