I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
