Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
