By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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