i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
