Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
