I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
