Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
