If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize