In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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