I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
