i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
