I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
