I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
