I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
