he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
