Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
