I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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