i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
