I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
