I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
