would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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