Do vagina's smell?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
