apparently the secret to your success is patron
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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