I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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