doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
