I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
