What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
