this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think i have herpe
just one?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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