we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
