Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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