you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
