You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
