The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
