Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
