omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize