Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
