You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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