It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
