What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
