chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
