Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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