I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
