I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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