She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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