ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
