so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
