Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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