Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
