I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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