i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
