last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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