what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
