also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
