Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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