I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
