I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Text me some of your sweat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
